


Stubborn Love

by i_saw_sparks



Category: Big Time Rush RPF
Genre: Engagment, F/M, Romance, Stress, fight, struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:11:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_saw_sparks/pseuds/i_saw_sparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was oh so easy to fall in love, but staying in love took work. (Logan Henderson smut)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stubborn Love

After a long day of mind-numbing classes, a three-hour lab, and an hour’s worth of studying, Kandi couldn’t have been more happy to see the outline of her apartment building etched out across the evening sky.  
  
As she shifted the car into park, her shoulders slumped, her head lolling back as she stared listlessly at the ceiling. That wave of relief washed over her, mixed with an overwhelming exhaustion as she pulled the keys from the ignition, slipping them into the pocket of her jacket. It was an automatic routine, leaving the driver’s side door open as she grabbed her backpack from the backseat, her purse from the passenger’s side, and her phone and juice bottle from the cup holder.  
  
She hurried to the steps, a slight jog in her step as she fished her keys back out of her pocket, quickly finding her apartment key and slipping through the doorway. Her body remained on autopilot as she flipped on the kitchen light, slipping off her Nikes and dropping her bag by the door.  
  
She heard the familiar click of claws against the linoleum floor as her dog rushed to the door to greet her, nothing but a blurry outline of black fur and eager pants in the dim lighting.  
  
“Hey there, BFF!” Kandi gushed as she kneeled down to the lab mix’s level, smacking her lips in exaggerated air kisses as the dog struggled to lick her face.  
  
She scratched the spot behind his ear before she bounced back up, and though she felt refreshed from the quick interaction, her thoughts were still scattered and disconnected from an exhausting day.  
  
It wasn’t until she went to leave her keys and college id on the counter that she finally saw him, and immediately, she knew something was wrong. Maybe it was the way his body looked as if it were caving in on itself: leaning over, his hands clasped together as his forearms rested along the length of his thighs. There was that unmistakable look of disappointment buried in his dark irises, and for a moment, she stood there, speechless, because she didn’t know what she’d done.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Logan’s voice was too steady, and his eyes looked as tired as her own. That exhaustion seeped through his tone as he glanced over at her.  
  
“Hey, what’s up?” She tried to keep her tone cheerful as she stepped into the living room, her juice bottle still clutched in her hand as she took a seat beside him on the sofa.  
  
“Nothing…” His voice trailed off for a moment, almost as if he wanted to say something more but he’d decided against it, and Kandi thought he was going to leave it at that before he spoke up again, his eyes still glued to his hands. “Where have you been?”  
  
She rolled her eyes, her automatic reaction to just about everything, but a smile spread across her lips. Nervous, angry, happy, excited, or frustrated, Kandi was always smiling. That night, she wasn’t sure how she should feel, so she smiled through her own uncertainty. “You know I have lab until five.” Desperate for anything that would shake the tension between them, she changed the subject. “Do you want the rest of this juice? There’s too much mango in it for me.”  
  
Kandi offered him the bottle, but he brushed it away, quickly shaking his head.  
  
“Kandi, it’s seven thirty.”  
  
She struggled to bite back her gasp, but her eyes still widened, giving her away. People around her constantly told her that she had an expressive face, but she was beginning to believe it was more of a curse than a blessing. “I stayed behind and studied. I have a lab practical next week, and I don’t exactly have a spare human skull or a cat skeleton hanging around the apartment. What’s wrong with you anyway?”  
  
“Well, I _thought_ we were gonna go out to dinner or something tonight.” His hands waved down his chest, and it was then that she noticed he’d gotten dressed to go out. One of his best pairs of dark-washed jeans hung from his hips, a crisp white v-neck stretched across his chest, and she could see his leather jacket slung over the back of the couch. “I get tired of just hanging out around your apartment all day while you’re in class.”  
  
Her first reaction was to try to laugh off the matter. “It’s not like there’s anything to do in Spartanburg anyway.”  
  
The lame joke didn’t help. His expression remained firm.  
  
The sharp pang of guilt made her stomach turn, and even though, in the back of her mind, she knew she should just put her pride aside, apologize, and try to make it up to him, she couldn’t keep that defensive edge from rising to the surface. “Listen, I’m sorry, Logan, I really am, but I don’t know what you expect from me. I can’t help it that I’m so busy with class right now. Maybe we could do something tomorrow night instead?”  
  
“Okay, fine.” He said the words, but she could tell that he was still holding something back.  
  
As she leaned back against the beige couch cushions, she crossed her arms against her chest. “You’re still mad at me.”  
  
For a moment, she saw a crack in his hard exterior as a sheepish grin adorned his lips. “A little, yeah.”  
  
“Why?” Kandi shifted in her seat, leaning forward so that she could be closer to him, gauge his reaction, and bridge the gap between the two of them, but it was suddenly too close for comfort, and Logan threw his walls up once again.  
  
“I guess I just expected that since I did fly all the way from fucking California to see you that maybe, just maybe, I’d get a chance to spend some quality time with my girlfriend. No, wait, my fiancée.”  
  
She glanced down at the ring on her finger. It was the same ring he’d given to her the last time he’d flown out to visit her, the ring he had proposed to her with, and even in the dim light of her apartment and on the brink of an argument, it caught the sparse light and shined.  
  
The two of them had only been engaged for six months, but that night felt like an eternity ago. Months of communicating only through text messages, phone calls, and the occasional Skype date spanned the time in between, and though she couldn’t honestly say that she was satisfied with their relationship, she was unable to just give up on them. She couldn’t let what they had slip away.  
  
Unfortunately, Logan didn’t see it that way. He was too quick to notice the things they lacked instead of all that they had between them.  
  
“It seems like you don’t even care anymore,” he continued, growing more anxious and fidgety with each word that spilled from his lips. “When you flew out for Christmas, I put everything else on hold so I could spend time with you, ‘cause I know that I barely get to see you, so I might as well make the most of it while I’ve got the chance, but whenever I come out to see you, you never have time for me. It’s always work or school or some other bullshit. You make it seem like being with me is just this huge burden on you.”  
  
 _Here we go again,_ she thought to herself as she pushed her sideswept bangs from her face. All they ever did was have this same argument over and over again. It was an argument she knew all too well, the only thing the two of them ever really fought about: the over 2,000 miles that stretched out between them. It was a constant conflict, and at any given time, one of them was fighting for the attention they both so desperately craved. Tonight, it was Logan’s turn.  
  
“Don’t be like that.” Her voice remained low, an attempt to calm the situation down before it came to a head, but she could tell by the discomfort in his posture that it was useless. Kandi could see the fear in his soulful brown eyes.  
  
He’d already put himself out there, and there was no turning back now. What he tried so desperately to portray as frustration and anger only came across as fear. That fear drove people to do crazy things, and it was one of the few things stronger than love, probably because it wasn’t so much an emotion as it was a survival instinct.  
  
“Well, you do. You may not realize it, Kandi, but you do.” He stood up, and though he backed away from her, his words still cut like a razorblade.  
  
In the beginning, it was Logan who stayed strong for her while Kandi’s mind was flooded with a sea of doubts and little insecurities. Now, the distance was getting to him, and he needed her support. Each day spent apart eroded his bones, and now he was crumbling at her feet. He needed her to be strong for him for once, but that stubborn streak would never allow him to admit it. In the back of his mind, he knew she was his only real weakness, his Achilles heel, and he just couldn’t let her have that power over him, so he pushed back against her. He couldn’t admit that he needed her, so he did whatever he could to push her away.  
  
Her lips parted to speak, but he cut her off, the need for catharsis too overwhelming for him to hold anything back.  
  
“You make it seem like it’s so fucking easy for me, but guess what? It’s not. I _wish_ it was easy to love you, K.” She could hear that waver of pain in his voice, a sign of weakness that he so rarely let her see. “Even when all the worries are gone, I still miss you.” His gaze met hers from across the small space, bridging the gap between them. “You’re my best friend.”  
  
The sincerity in his words stung, and every bone in her body wanted to go to him, to take all of his pain away with just a simple word or an earnest kiss. She knew all too well how it felt to love someone until it tore you apart, to need someone so badly that it hurt. Logan was that one person that made her achy and desperate.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Kandi tried give him the words he needed to hear. “I know it’s hard, but we’ve made it this far. We can do this.” Her lips formed a weak smile as she looked up at him, and as much as she wanted to believe her own words, there was that sliver of doubt in the pit of her stomach that everything they had could fall apart so easily.  
  
It was oh so easy to fall in love, but staying in love took work.  
  
He mirrored her smile, that glimmer of hope swirled in his coffee-colored eyes as he eased closer to her. “Maybe things will be better after you graduate, then I can keep you in LA all to myself.”  
  
The last thing she wanted was a fight, but there was this underlying finality in his tone, as if he knew exactly what she was going to do after college, when in reality, they’d never really discussed the matter. With a raised eyebrow, she couldn’t keep herself from challenging his assumptions.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“We’re still getting an apartment together after you graduate, right? Mine and James’s lease runs out in July.”  
  
Kandi was careful with her words, tiptoeing over each syllable because she didn’t want to upset him, but at the same time, she didn’t want him to think that he had that sort of control over her. “We never talked about that. I told you before that I still don’t know what I’m going to do after graduation. Grad school is still up in the air for me.”  
  
“Are you serious?” he asked as he jerked away. “You’re not gonna move in with me?”  
  
“I never said that. All I said was that we need some time to figure this out first.”  
  
He raked a hand through his espresso brown locks, his weary eyes focused on the carpet beneath his feet. “You’re being ridiculous.” The statement was almost a scoff. “We’re supposed to be getting married, Kandi. We can’t be husband and wife and live in two different states. That’s just not how it works.”  
  
She’d never heard him raise his voice like that before because, over the four years that they’d been together, she’d never seen him get this angry with her. There was that accusatory edge to his voice, as if somehow, all of this was her fault and her fault alone. Sure, the circumstances they were in at this point in their relationship were fucked, but blaming each other wasn’t going to solve anything.  
  
It was frustrating, watching him stand there on his high horse and act as if he put so much more work into the relationship than she did. It was bullshit, and she could already feel her own spitfire temper kicking into gear, her fingers clenching around the cell phone in her pocket.  
  
It was at that precise moment Logan said the one thing that sent her over the edge.  
  
“The only time we were ever happy was when we were both in LA.”  
  
As the words resonated in her brain, tears began to cloud the corners of her vacant stare, and she immediately turned her head so that he couldn’t see her cry. She was too damn proud to let him see her that devastated, and in the moment, Kandi wasn’t sure what came over her, but she found herself slinging her iPhone across the room. There was a sense of satisfaction in the way it whizzed by his shoulder before it thudded against the opposite wall, and she immediately realized that things had gone too far.  
  
Kandi knew she had to get out of there before she said something she could never take back.  
  
“No, **you** were happy, Logan. I was miserable there.”  
  
It was true. She’d never felt more alone than during the four months she spent in Los Angeles, and if she hadn’t met Logan, she wouldn’t have stayed there that long. He was the only thing that held her there, but even he couldn’t keep her from running back home to South Carolina. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to leave everything she’d ever known behind in order to be with him, but she’d never know how to express that to him.  
  
So instead, she ran.  
  
“Listen, I’m gonna go out and get some fresh air.”  
  
From the furrow of his brows and the tightness of his jaw, she knew her lack of a real explanation frustrated the hell out of him, but Logan didn’t protest. He let her go, and she could feel his stare trail her as she grabbed her keys, slipped into her running shoes, and walked out the door.  
  
With all this pent up frustration locked inside her muscles, every part of her was aching for the familiar pound of her soles against the concrete. For Kandi, running was the closest thing to true freedom. Put one foot forward, put the next foot forward. Breathe in, breathe out. The simple motions served as a natural form of therapy for her. Though she’d already went for a run that morning, she needed something, anything, that would take her mind off of Logan. She needed to feel that gush of cool winter air as it filled her lungs, to hear nothing but the steady rhythm of her heart beating in her chest.  
  
The streetlights cast an eerie blue glow on the empty street, the presence of winter all around her as her heavy breathing formed little clouds that dissipated right before her eyes. Despite the nearing arrival of spring, the trees remained barren, dead, their limbs branching out like veins across the night sky.  
  
Running at night was a bit unsettling. Though it wasn’t a frequently traveled street, Kandi still found herself jerking her head towards every thump of car speakers on the highway and every headlight that flashed between the trees. Truthfully, she’d never grown used to living in the city, even a small one like Spartanburg. Having spent almost twenty years of her life living off of a country backroad, surrounded by nothing but farm pastures and forest, anything reminiscent of traffic or urban life caught her attention.  
  
It was cold, and she was anxious, but she didn’t stop running. Kandi ran past the rows of suburban-style homes. She ran past the athletic center with its tennis court, well-lit but abandoned. And last but not least, she ran past the metal manufacturing building.  
  
Kandi put one foot in front of the other until she reached the end of the long and winding road, cars on the highway streaking by in front of her, their headlights washing out her vision. Though her limbs felt like jello, her thoughts kept racing. No matter how hard she pushed herself, she just couldn’t get her mind off of Logan and what he’d said.  
  
 _“The only time we were ever happy was when we were both in LA.”_  
  
She could still hear his voice in her head, clear as day, the subtle way his Texan accent peeked out from behind every syllable because he was so tired and so frustrated. It echoed in her thoughts as she traced back through her memories to each time he’d ever come to visit her. Her birthday, the night he proposed, that first time he’d met her family, their summer vacations along the coast: all of these events took place in South Carolina.  
  
If the two of them had only ever been happy those first few months in Los Angeles, was everything else just a lie?  
  
As she jogged back towards her apartment building, Kandi couldn’t tell if she was crying or if it was just the cold making her eyes water.  
  
All the while, with each footfall against the pavement, she wanted to be mad at Logan. Every single little piece of her wanted to be absolutely infuriated with him, but the more she thought about it, the more Kandi realized that she couldn’t. She couldn’t punish him for feeling the way that he did, for feeling lonely and abandoned, because, at times, she was left with those same emotions. It was a certain helplessness that seeped through her bones and made her miserable from the inside out. She wanted so desperately to be _right_ , to tear him apart with her rhetoric until he saw things her way, but she just didn’t have it in her anymore.  
  
Slipping through the door, she noticed that the television was on, the harsh glare from the screen competing with the dull glow of the lamp on the end table. Logan had fallen asleep on the couch, dark eyelashes fluttering against his fair skin as he dreamt. In all honesty, she hadn’t expected him to be there when she got back. She figured he’d go get a hotel room for the night or go out to the sleazy bars downtown with her brother, but he hadn’t.  
  
He’d stayed.  
  
Kandi grabbed the coral-colored throw and gently tugged it over his frame, the achy and uplifting feeling of hope overwhelming her thoughts. If only they could get through this rough patch, find a way to make this relationship work for the both of them, they’d be able to handle anything life had to throw at them. Distance was hard, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. The distance between them wasn’t as strong as the love that they shared.  
  
Careful not to wake him, she turned off the tv and headed towards the bathroom. A long shower was exactly what she needed to help ease the stress of an exhausting day.  
  
Once her bare feet stepped onto the cool tile, each movement was hurried. A pair of navy yoga leggings, an Underarmour hoodie, and a simple white v-neck were all strewn haphazardly along the bathroom floor as she undressed. Eventually, they’d find their way into the hamper, but for right now, Kandi couldn’t care less how messy her place was.  
  
As she unwound her hair from the messy bun piled on top of her head, she raked her fingers through the loose chestnut waves, and though her eyes seemed fixated on her reflection in the mirror, her thoughts wandered.  
  
For the past four years or so, Logan had been the only thing that remained stable in her life. Through the indecision that clouded her future, to the friends that had seemed to fade away, to her own little quarter-life crisis, he had been there for her. It was a debt that she knew she’d never be able to repay as long as she stayed here in South Carolina, so if it took leaving everything she’d ever known to keep him, that’s what she would do.  
  
Kandi was completely overwhelmed when it came to what she wanted to do with her life or the person she wanted to become, but the one thing she was sure of was Logan.  
  
Each desperate thought dissipated as the steam from the shower surrounded her, each doubt rolling away like the water droplets down her back until her mind was completely vacant. Even when she was trying so hard not to think about the disarray her life was in, Kandi could still feel that underlying fear. Fear of change, fear of giving all of herself to him and losing who she was in the process, but more than anything, it was that fear of things gone wrong that held her back. It was knowing that if something happened between them, it would all be over and she’d have nothing to show for it. Four years gone down the drain.  
  
She was so afraid of the changes pain could cause, and she was afraid of the person she could become without him. She’d witnessed that same empty hollowness in her mother after her father had left them, and even at that young age, Kandi had sworn she’d never be the type of girl who built her entire world around a man. Now that she was contemplating the one thing she swore she’d never do, she was conflicted.  
  
In a perfect world, she’d be able to sacrifice without giving it all away, but with what they had, it was all or nothing. It had always been all or nothing.  
  
She left the shower more confused than when she’d stepped in, but at the very least, she was clean. Her skin felt fresh, her hair hung in damp clumps down her back, and even though winter was at its coldest, that final freeze out before spring, she slipped into her favorite silk pajamas.  
  
Although the red ruffled tank top and shorts set were completely inappropriate for the season, she was cozy and warm nestled beneath the blankets on her bed. Every muscle in her body begged for sleep, her eyelids began to droop, but she couldn’t deny that nagging feeling that something was missing. As much as they frustrated the hell out of each other, she missed the warmth of his body as it curved around hers, the cumbersome weight of his arms wrapped around her. They so rarely got to be together that it felt like a waste to spend this time being pissed off.  
  
The scent of his skin permeated her dreams, crisp cologne and green apple shampoo, but it was the squeal of the door that stirred her from her sleep. He tried to be quiet, but with each footstep, the wood floors squealed. Kandi didn’t budge until she felt him crawl into bed.  
  
With the familiar pressure of his arms around her shoulders, she turned back, her eyes barely open as she mumbled, “Are we okay?”  
  
“Yeah.” His voice was hoarse, but she could feel his lips press against the nape of her neck. “Love you, K.”  
  
“Love you too.”  
  
When the morning came, Kandi was the first to wake up, carefully slipping out of his grasp before she snuck out of the room. The sun seeped through the windows in the living room, lending the space a soft, ethereal warmth. She flipped on the tv as she passed, and, true to her morning routine, she settled on _Dr. Phil_ before heading back into the kitchen.  
  
Logan made his first appearance as she was grabbing a couple of bowls from the cabinet. His eyes squinted against the sparse sunlight, and a hand coursed through his messy hair as he made his way to the kitchen.  
  
“So what’s for breakfast?” he asked groggily as he took a seat at the small table. His eyes shifted towards the television in the next room before he glanced up to meet her gaze.  
  
“Cereal.” She flashed him a quick grin as she set the bowl of corn flakes in front of him.  
  
“I should’ve known,” he chuckled to himself. “It’s nice to know that if we move in together, we won’t starve.”  
  
“Hey, I’ve got cereal and pancakes under my belt, so breakfast is pretty much handled,” she laughed as she ducked into the refrigerator. “Plus I can put together a pretty mean salad for lunch. Basically all we’re missing is dinner.”  
  
“We’re gonna be living off of cereal and fast food.”  
  
“Nope, I won’t allow it.” She poured the milk into both of their bowls. “Juice?”  
  
He nodded, and she grabbed him a bottle of blueberry juice smoothie from the fridge.  
  
“You could always cook for us,” she joked as she took a seat across from him, her fingers curving around the neck of her juice bottle as she struggled to open it.  
  
“I can make a banging cheesecake.”  
  
“You and James made chicken noodle soup that one time,” she said between sips of her drink.  
  
“I guess we’ll be watching a lot of the double R then.”  
  
Her gaze tilted upward as she tried to keep from laughing. “You know I can’t stand Rachel Ray.”  
  
He smiled at her from across the table. “Why not? When James when through his RR phase, he was always cooking good shit.”  
  
“I don’t know. Her voice annoys me. I _want_ to like her, but that voice gets me every time, like nails on a chalkboard or something.”  
  
“You’re so weird.”  
  
They ate their meal in silence, stealing glances at one another the whole time, and after taking a long gulp of her drink, Kandi spoke up.  
  
“You know, we should probably talk about what happened last night.”  
  
A part of her had been hesitant to even bring it up. Things felt so natural and easy between them over breakfast, like their fight the night before had never even happened, and she was afraid that if she mentioned it, that comfort would disappear.  
  
“Come on K, can this wait until later? I just woke up,” he protested as his brown eyes wandered towards the ceiling.  
  
“We’re just gonna keep fighting about this until we figure it out, so we might as well figure it out now,” she tried to explain, pushing her bangs out of her face. “Plus Dr. Phil always says that you shouldn’t go to bed angry.”  
  
He rolled his eyes, but he gave in nonetheless. As she ate another spoonful of her cereal, Kandi watched him hop out of his chair, strolling back to her bedroom so casually, but her mouth was too full to protest until he was out of her sight.  
  
“Don’t you walk away, Logan. We’re gonna talk this out one way or another.”  
  
“I’ll be right back,” he called from the next room, and she could hear him shuffling behind the closed door.  
  
Moments later, he reemerged from the bedroom, his lopsided grin hidden behind a black wrought-iron grill. The gold finish of the helmet shimmered as he passed by the window, and although, for the most part, his features were shadowed, she still caught a glimpse of that mischievous glimmer in his eyes.  
  
He gave the football helmet a loving pat as he reclaimed his seat at the kitchen table. “Okay, let’s talk.”  
  
Her laughter spewed out in a fit of muffled giggles and sputters. “Oh my god, you look ridiculous.”  
  
“Hey, this is purely for protection. I’m not trying to take another iPhone to the face.” His hand waved over the grill for emphasis.  
  
The helmet was a gift from the team she did film work for, the brilliant gold finish peppered with signatures signed in black permanent marker, each one the name of a team mate she was graduating with this year. The souvenir from three years of blood, sweat, and tears had been resting on one of her dressers until Logan had decided to use it for his own security, as if he really needed it.  
  
There was something about the way he looked with that helmet on that was so inherently awkward that Kandi couldn’t keep herself from laughing. Though she absolutely adored him, Logan Henderson had not been blessed with the physique of a football player. The helmet made his head look too big for his body, and she could tell by the way he cracked his neck that he’d been surprised by the weight of the head gear.  
  
“I think you’re overreacting,” Kandi managed to get out through her stifled laughter. “I did not throw my phone at you.”  
  
“Uh, yeah, I believe you did.”  
  
“I didn’t. I threw my phone at the wall.”  
  
“At the wall near my head.”  
  
“But it didn’t hit you.”  
  
“That’s true,” he said, that lilt of laughter in his voice as his lips curved into a smirk. “But you’re right, we do need to figure out what we’re gonna do about…us…”  
  
There was that awkward silence between them, rearing its head once again, waiting for the first person to lay their cards out on the table.  
  
“If more time is what you need to figure out what you want, I’d be willing to give it to you, but I can’t do this whole long distance thing for another year. I just can’t do it.”  
  
Kandi swallowed hard as his words rolled around in her brain. She wasn’t sure if she should just accept his compromise or go with her gut and lay it all on the line to be with him. She hated Los Angeles, but her love for Logan was stronger than her sense of disconnect from the so-called city of angels.  
  
Reaching across the table, she let her thumb run along the length of his hand before taking it in her own. This time, she refused to cave in to the tiny fears and insecurities that ran rampant in her mind. She had to follow her gut, and every single cell in her body wanted to see where things went with Logan.  
  
Kandi knew that if she stayed behind in South Carolina, she’d live the rest of her life wondering what could have been, and that wasn’t a life she wanted to live.  
  
Taking a deep breath, her honey-colored eyes stayed focused on the tabletop as she spoke. “I’m willing to move out there with you.”  
  
His face seemed to light up instantaneously. Reassurance came in the way that he tightened his hold around her hand, giving it a soft squeeze as his eyes met hers.  
  
“But…” she began, cutting him off before he had a chance to start gushing. “You have to promise me that it’s not gonna be the way it was before. I know you have your career and everything, but you’ve gotta make some time for me. I can’t move out there to be with you, leave all my family and friends behind, and still never get a chance to see you. There’s gotta be a balance, or this isn’t going to work out.”  
  
“I swear. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.” Even masked by the helmet, she could see the earnestness embedded in his features, and she knew that he wasn’t just saying all of this to influence her decision in some way. He really meant it. Logan had never been the type of person to say things if he didn’t mean them.  
  
Heavy silence filled the space between them, and even though she made it look easy, deep down, Kandi was terrified. She’d never been in a serious relationship, let alone something that had become _so_ serious _so_ quickly, but in the end, she couldn’t see herself with anyone other than Logan. If it meant uprooting her life as she knew it to be with him, so be it. In that moment, as she watched that slow smile spread across his lips, she was sure it was a risk worth taking.  
  
Noticing the way his expression seemed to transform before her eyes, she couldn’t help but laugh.  
  
“What is it?” he asked, his voice a whisper as his grin grew wider.  
  
“Can you take the helmet off now?” she asked through her own laughter. “You’re gonna ruin it.”  
  
That smile overwhelmed his features, his boyish dimples emerging at the corners of his lips. “Depends. Where’s your phone?” Coffee-colored eyes darted around the area in an exaggerated search.  
  
Her grip refused to loosen on his hand as she rose from her seat, and his free hand drifted up to hook around the grill, slowly easing the metal frame upward as she edged closer.  
  
She leaned over, pressing her lips against his in a tender kiss. There was a certain gravity in the gesture that neither of them could deny.  
  
“I love you,” she murmured as she pulled away. “Even though you’re stubborn as hell.”  
  
A soft chuckle spilled past his lips. “I love you too.”  
  
Kandi pulled the football helmet off of his head, her eyes skimming over the finish to make sure none of the signatures had been smudged before she set it aside on the kitchen counter. Her hands curved around his shoulders, her fingers kneading into his tense muscles as he let his head loll back.  
  
“Do you wanna go out and do something today? The weather’s perfect,” she whispered in his ear, the slow drag of her lips against his neck contradicting the offer.  
  
His gaze fluttered over to meet hers. “Nah, we can stay in.”  
  
He could feel her soft chuckle waver against his skin. “Kiss and make up?”  
  
His lips curved into a coy smile as his gaze unabashedly glazed down her frame. “Yeah.”  
  
His smile was contagious, the expression mirrored on her lips as she tugged at his hand, leading him towards her bedroom.  
  
Once Logan had pulled the door closed behind them, her movements became more demanding. Her fingers clutched his shoulders as she eased him back against the door. As they kissed, she could feel the warmth of his flushed skin beneath her fingertips. It was the same radiant heat she found in the pressure of his lips, the slow swirl of his tongue, and bubbling up in the pit of her stomach.  
  
As soon as she pulled away, he yanked his t-shirt up over his head, tossing the pesky gray cotton to the carpet before his hands quickly made their way to her shoulder blades. He pulled her closer, her thumbs grazing his temples as they kissed.  
  
The pressure of his lips was so familiar, and Kandi found comfort in the way that they knew each other’s bodies so well. Kissing him came as easily as breathing, something so automatic that she didn’t have to think about it or be self-conscious about what she was doing. The motions just came naturally, and she found herself becoming lost in the bombardment of sensations. Hints of cologne intertwined with his sweat and the scent of his skin flooded her nostrils, the lingering warmth of his touch and the sound of her own pulse racing in her chest each competing for her attention.  
  
Each of her movements was driven by this overwhelming desire that she couldn’t quite explain, a visceral need that she’d only ever felt for Logan, and even though she could vaguely remember how it felt to be so mad at him that she wanted to scream, they seemed like feelings from forever ago. When things were going smoothly, they brought out the best in one another, but when things were at their worst, they both knew how to push each other’s buttons.  
  
She’d always considered herself to be a bit on the assertive side, but when it came to matters of the bedroom, Kandi generally preferred for him to take the lead. It was one of those rare occasions when she became the aggressive one, and she found herself urging him to take things further, her teeth digging into his lower lip and her palms coursing down his chest. As her tongue delved past his parted lips, her fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his basketball shorts. A hand curved around the elastic material, gently tugging it forward as her lips pressed against his, this time with more force. There was an urgency in the gesture, and she could feel Logan’s lips fumble against her own as she hastily jerked his shorts down his hips, palming him roughly in the motion.  
  
Kandi could feel his lips curl into a smirk against hers, but his feigned arrogance failed to conceal the needy groans that spilled past his lips. His touch ghosted down her back, his hands resting along her hips as she diverted her attention to the pale expanse of his neck. Tracing his jugular, she could feel the steady thud of his pulse reverberate against her lips from beneath the frail stretch of skin.  
  
Logan’s thumbs hooked into her shorts as his touch began to stray from her hips, his hands curving to fit her frame as she nestled her face into the crook of his neck. Kandi slung her leg over his hip, lessening the gap between them, and his hold on her tightened. Her kisses trailed back up to his jawbone, her lashes skimming his skin as she gazed up at him.  
  
His mouth was agape, his eyes focused on something indiscernible across the room, and it wasn’t until he noticed the absence of her touch that he glanced down at her.  
  
His hand coursed lazily up and down her thigh as he spoke. “Maybe we should relocate?” There was that slight chuckle in his voice as he tilted his head towards her bed. “This door is killing my back.”  
  
Her brown eyes flickered towards the ceiling as she laughed, burying her face into the crook of his neck as she struggled to regain her composure. When she eventually pulled away from him, she narrowed her eyes at him in her best attempt at flashing him the bedroom eyes, but he shattered any shred of confidence she’d managed to build up with the sound of his laughter.  
  
“What _was_ that?” he managed to get the question out. His cheeks were flushed bright pink, his dimples emerged as he grinned, and Kandi was instantly reminded of just how lucky she was to have someone like him in her life.  
  
But the sight of him like that only made her start laughing.  
  
“I was trying to look sexy,” she explained as soon as she caught her breath.  
  
His lips parted as if he was starting to say something, but he suddenly stopped himself. His gaze softened as he looked down at her, and those syrupy irises of his seemed to melt. It was that look that made her weak in the knees, the way he stared at her as if she were some prize, like he’d just won the lottery or something.  
  
“Oh god,” he muttered, his brown eyes shifting towards the ceiling as he grinned. “I love you.”  
  
In that moment, Kandi couldn’t get her lips to form that automatic, expected response. Instead, she simply stared at him, struggling to imprint all these tiny features that were so essentially Logan in her mind. The way his eyes creased at the corners when he smiled, something she hated so much about herself but was so beautiful on him. His perfect smile. Those deep brown eyes that she constantly found herself getting lost in. The way that he felt so comfortable whenever he stayed with her that he usually went the whole week without shaving, the prickly stubble that lined his jaw a new but welcome sensation.  
  
It was at that precise moment that things seemed to click for her.  
  
Even though she’d always loved him, the concept of marriage had always terrified her, probably because just about every marriage she’d ever witnessed had ended in divorce. That night Logan had proposed to her, she’d had that automatic, gushy romantic response, but after he went back to LA, she found herself questioning the necessity of the act. Even in her head, she played off her doubts, but that fear of change constantly lurked at the back of her thoughts. Things were close to perfect the way they were now, and she was afraid that if the two of them got married, the act in itself would change them somehow. Now she realized that whether they were married or not, it didn’t matter. She was perfectly content to spend the rest of her life with Logan, and though she had her doubts, there was still this undying hope buried deep inside of her that the two of them could do this right.  
  
Kandi wove her arms around his neck and kissed him, but there was something distinctly different about this kiss. It wasn’t hungry or horny or just a precursor to the main event, it was a simple sign of just how much she appreciated him.  
  
As she broke away from him, she slipped out of her shorts and fell back on the bed, stretching her legs across the cocoa-colored microplush comforter. Kandi crossed her legs at the ankle and leaned back on her forearms, wide eyes gazing up at him as she quietly anticipated his next move.  
  
She didn’t have to wait long before Logan followed her suit, stepping out of his shorts and rolling onto the other side of the bed. When she glanced back at him, she noticed something so indescribably funny in the way he stared back at her, that half-smirk, half-grin on his face and a tuft of espresso hair sticking up out of place.  
  
Of course, watching her try to fight back her giggles only sparked his own laughter.  
  
“What is it?” he asked as he rolled onto his back. Though his dark eyes were focused on the ceiling, he still had that grin on his face.  
  
Her gaze traced the threads along the comforter as she spoke, fighting the automatic reaction to glance back at him. “I don’t know! You just looked at me with that silly, stupid look on your face, and….” She couldn’t help but smile as her gaze trailed back up towards the ceiling. “You’re just… _adorable_.”  
  
The syllables lingered in the air between them, and while she waited for his reaction, Kandi could feel her cheeks grow hot.  
  
Once the initial embarrassment began to dissipate, she held her breath as her vision trailed his body, from the tips of his toes, up his legs, over his torso until finally, her eyes met his.  
  
“Come here.” The two words blended together in a lazy murmur, his teeth clenching his bottom lip as his gaze flickered down her frame.  
  
She was quick to oblige him, straddling his waist as she held onto his shoulders, and her reward came in the form of his grin against her lips. As the kiss drew to a close, Kandi pulled away, planting a soft kiss on his cheeks before her lips strayed to his earlobe.  
  
As her lips coursed down his neck, Logan was still hell-bent in his mission to get her to warm up to the idea of their life together in Los Angeles. “You know,” he murmured. “We could pick out a place together once summer rolls around.”  
  
She wasn’t really paying any attention to him. In reality, he’d already won.  
  
“We don’t even have to live in the city,” he continued. “We could try to find an apartment in the suburbs or something if you’d like that better. Maybe we could even get a house together…”  
  
She glanced up at him between kisses, laughter seeping through her tone. “Maybe we should start out with the apartment first and then work our way up to the house.”  
  
He stared at the wall for a moment while her lips dragged along his skin. “I’d even let you decorate it and pick out all the furniture and shit. I know you’re into all that ridiculousness.”  
  
Kandi rose up and looked him in the eye before leaning forward to kiss him. “While the offer’s tempting, I don’t really care about all of that other stuff.”  
  
She buried her face into the crook of his neck, giving the skin along his jugular a sharp drag before she continued, the sound of her voice muffled by his shoulder. “I know it sounds totally cheesy, but as long as it’s just you and me, that’s enough.”  
  
A soft chuckle slipped past his lips.  
  
“You don’t have to bribe me with fancy furniture or paint colors.”  
  
Her hands ran down his chest before drifting to the hem of her top. “But I do think it would be best if you left all of the décor decisions to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love you, but you don’t exactly have the best taste in things…”  
  
Logan diverted his stare to the mattress, and she swore she saw a hint of pink grace his cheeks. “I picked you, didn’t I?”  
  
As she pulled her tank top over her head, she replied with, “Well, I’d like to think that I’m the exception that proves the rule.”  
  
“Ha ha,” he shot back dryly, but his smile gave him away, his arms weaving around her as she lay along his chest.  
  
“Do I really have to remind you about that god-awful hat you wore the last time I flew out?” she teased him as she peppered his chest in light kisses.  
  
“Hey, I was trying to be fashion forward.”  
  
“There was absolutely nothing fashion anything about that hat,” she laughed as his hands rested along the small of her back. “Admit it, you need me.”  
  
“Hmm…maybe I do,” he confessed reluctantly. “But only just a little bit though.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever,” she replied as she doodled lazy patterns along his shoulder with her fingertip. “Maybe you should just stop talking and kiss me.”  
  
Logan raised an eyebrow, his gaze flickering between her eyes and her lips for a moment as he pretended to contemplate his next move. That air of challenge in his stare was one of the many things she loved about him. She loved that he wasn’t some weak guy, that he didn’t let her walk all over him or give her every little thing she wanted. Kandi was way too headstrong for her own good, and she couldn’t really see herself getting along well with someone who didn’t challenge her in some way.  
  
She didn’t want a doormat, she wanted a partner. While they gave each other hell and pushed each other’s buttons, she knew that, underneath it all, what they had was something real.  
  
His lips brushed against hers, slow and gentle as his fingers dipped beneath her thong, lightly tracing the embroidery along the silk with his thumb. All the while, she could tell he was holding back on her, and it was absolutely frustrating.  
  
Kandi arched her back, forcing her hips against his as he tugged at her underwear. She could feel him beginning to come apart at the seams, the way his cock twitched beneath her and his kisses became more forceful with each slight movement of her hips.  
  
His lips enveloped her lower lip, pulling at the supple flesh as his touch began to roam her body. When his lips crashed against hers again, it was more powerful, his hands grasped at her hips, her ass, the back of her thigh as he began to engulf her. As much as she wanted it to be this tender, beautiful thing, she could feel him leading her in the other direction, and the last thing she wanted him to do was stop. She couldn’t fight the way she fed off of his every movement, her tempo increasing to match his.  
  
She could hear her own ragged breath heavy in her ears, the slow drag of his stubble harsh against her skin as he left a trail of battered skin in his wake. Once his lips left her skin, his eyes locked on her, his fingers following the crease of her pelvis. The light touch was a stark contrast to his previous motions, but she couldn’t deny the pleasure in that contrast.  
  
Kandi stared at him for a moment, her lips parted, unsure of how to react. Finally, she leaned forward and kissed him softly. It was exactly what she needed, something to bring her back to earth because her body felt like it was burning from the inside-out and her thoughts seemed disconnected somehow. As good as his touch felt, it could never entirely erase the fog that surrounded her future.  
  
She moved to the edge of the bed, sliding her panties down her legs and kicking the silk to the floor. Logan took the opportunity to wriggle out of his boxers, the gray cotton lost somewhere in the sheets. It felt nice, the feeling of every inch of his skin along every inch of her, and Kandi knew that, wrapped up in his arms, it didn’t matter where they were, she’d always be home. It was the times he’d go away that scared her the most.  
  
It wasn’t the matter of his fidelity that she worried about whenever he had to go on location for shooting or on tour for the band. They had this unspoken agreement between them that if it ever got to the point where they were unhappy with one another, they’d break it off before either of them stepped outside the relationship. It was being alone that was unsettling to her.  
  
In South Carolina, she had an entire life apart from Logan. She had her friends, her family, her job, and her classes to keep her preoccupied, and she was scared that if she moved to a place where all she had was Logan, she’d fall apart whenever he had to leave. It didn’t matter if she picked out the most stylish furniture or if they lived in her absolute dream house. None of those things would make her happy if all she could think about was how much she missed him.  
  
Kandi tried to push those thoughts from her mind as his fingers ran across her skin. She tried to force herself to live purely in the moment as his hips bucked up against hers and his hands caressed her breasts. Her lips peppered his chest in light kisses, and as much as she wanted to lose herself to that intoxicating feeling of being wanted, of being desired, with every move she made, the fear still nagged at her thoughts.  
  
Her lips had reached his navel when she stopped, her knees digging into the mattress as she looked up at him, and as much as he wanted her to go further, he couldn’t stand that doubt in her eyes.  
  
“What is it, K?” His concern pulled at the syllables, his voice soft with that hint of a Texas accent that seeped through his words when he was turned on.  
  
“Logan, I’m scared.”  
  
“What’re you talking about?” There was that tinge of laughter in his voice that made her reluctant to admit how she was feeling, but the concern still buried in his eyes was genuine.  
  
“I’m scared that I’ll move out there with you and I’ll be alone.”  
  
He pulled her closer, his palms slowly running up and down her back as he spoke. “You won’t be alone. You’ll have me.”  
  
“But what about when you’re gone?”  
  
“I promise you, K, it’ll all be okay. You’ll get a job or go back to school, whatever it is that you decide you want to do. You’ll make new friends, maybe not many, but I’m sure you’ll find a handful of people that are crazy enough to put up with you. You’ll have Durden, you’ll go shopping, you’ll go to the gym. You’ll do all those same things you love to do now, you’ll just be in a different city.”  
  
They were both silent for a moment, the sound of their breathing the only noise in the small space.  
  
“Thanks,” she mumbled, raising her head to look him in the eyes as she lay along his frame.  
  
“I just wanna see you happy. That’s all I want.”  
  
A faint smile spread across her lips, and she leaned forward to kiss him. There was something in that kiss that stirred the passion in him, and he kissed her back with more fervor, his tongue washing along the seam of her lips as they began to blend into one another again.  
  
Without any sort of warning, Logan rolled her over, his body hovering over hers on the bed. His lips never left hers as his hips crashed against hers, each movement slow and steady as the two of them began to fall into their own natural rhythm. Even though the motions were the same, there was something distinctly different between them that night, this unspoken promise that they’d always be there for each other, even when things got rough.  
  
Her fingers racked down his back as her hips arched into his, completely lost in the feeling of being whole again. His breath fell in waves against her neck, and she called out to him. She said his name, repeating the two familiar syllables over and over as she slowly came unraveled. Kandi said his name to the point where the word seemed to lose all of its meaning, just a slew of consonants and vowels drawn out in her southern accent.  
  
Laying in bed beside him was when she realized that the moments like these were all she needed to get her by. There was no doubt in her mind that they still had obstacles to overcome, twists and turns in the road ahead that they had yet to see, but one thing she knew would never waver was her faith in him.  
  
 _Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery._  
  
All they could be sure of was the here and now, the love that they had for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY! I have been working on this piece, literally, for over a month. It's definitely been a struggle to squeeze in some quality writing time between all the tests, quizzes, and papers I've been swamped with for class these past few weeks. Anyways, aside from the TaySwift song, my other prompt for this piece was the quote “I wish it was easy to love you; even when the worries wash away, I still miss you,” which I altered slightly in the content of this oneshot so that a.) it would sound like something believable that a man would say and b.) it would sound more like something _Logan_ would say.
> 
> The closing lyrics are from the song "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake, which I plan on writing a oneshot based on that serves as sort of a follow-up to this one.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, and I try my best to respond to them in a timely matter. If you liked this, please take the time to tell me why, and if you didn't enjoy it, please tell me why so that I can fix it. Thanks!


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